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A Mississippi Aikido Christmas Eve

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the dojo
No students were stirring, none had their mojo;
The mats were all stacked in the corner with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;

The sensei was nestled all snug in his bed,
While kotegaeshi danced in his head;
And shihan in her hakama I in my gi,
Had no sooner tied them and we needed to pee,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a crow,
grabbed up my tanto and drew nigh my jo.

The moon glinting off of the leaf-strewn driveway
Gave a lustre to the objects as if of mid-day,
When, what do you think I saw then from afar,
But a van and a truck and a hoopty old car,

With a little old driver, so lively and flush,
I knew in a moment that it must be Usher.
More rapid than eagles his minions they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, P3! now, Rich-san! now, Porkchop and Quan!
On, Edward! on Gimli on Malloy and ‘that other one!
Get into that dojo and lay out the mats!
Now dash away! dash away, while I wake up Pat!"

As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
In Doctor Usher came with a bound.
He was dressed in his gi, pressed shiny and neat,
Tied with his belt he just couldn’t be beat.

His eyes -- how they twinkled though he said his back ached.
His joints creaked, his hips popped and his knees they were fake!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And it looked that despite that he was ready to go!

He spoke not a word, we went into randori,
Sankata newaza and yoko wakari,
He throttled poor P3, to his team gave a whistle,
And we practiced like mad throwing ukes like missiles.

After practice he marked in his book with a glower,
"Merry Christmas to all! That was worth half-an-hour!"

4 comments:

  1. Wow that is quite impressive. Happy New Year.

    ReplyDelete
  2. That was one of the funniest things ive read in a long, long time. Thank you Patriclus. A merry Christmas to you and yours, as well as a happy new year.

    chop

    ReplyDelete