Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Worst martial arts movie dialogue ever

In the mid-1990’s I watched a movie that was so bad that it actually immunized me against bad movies. Now I am able to watch extremely bad movies, frequently without even groaning. The movie that developed this talent in me… On Deadly Ground starring Steven Seagal.

Remember the scene during which Seagal beats a smartalek up really bad, then asks the man, “What does it take to change the essence of a man?” to which the guy (in tears of shame) answers, “Time... I just need time to change.” Argh! I actually feel dumber for having just typed that. The screenwriter for that movie should be traded for a pet monkey (another wretched line of dialogue from Segal’s Fire Down Below).

Lets’ hear y’all’s nominations for worst martial arts movie dialogue. I’m sure y’all have seen some doozies!

7 comments:

  1. I don't remember the line word for word, but there's a scene in the movie "Showdown in Little Tokyo", after Dolph Lundgren has been roused out of his bedroom by a house invasion after getting it on with Tia Carrere, he and Brandon Lee are hunkering down and about to take on the bad guys, Brandon Lee says something to the effect of:

    "You've got the biggest **** I've ever seen on a man."

    Worst. Buddy. Line. Ever.

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  2. That's pretty bad, Kurt!

    I remember an old kung fu movie in which the guy describes a particular secret technique as "swift and deadly - AND it has great speed!"

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  3. It's probably my favorite but it's also pretty bad. I forget the movie but Chuck Norris said "I'll hit you with so many lefts you'll beg for a right."

    :-)

    Segal in Marked for Death right after he killed two guys:

    John Hatcher: One thought he was invincible... the other thought he could fly.
    Max: So?
    John Hatcher: They were both wrong.

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  4. Gymkata.

    Oh, and some comedian said there's a reason Steven Seagal movies all had three word titles... so it went along well with 'straight to cable.'

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  5. I thought the best dialogue in "On Deadly Ground" was when the mercenary (Billy Bob Thorton?) was debating about having the stock extended or not on his assault rifle. He was concerned about how it would look and said he "Wanted to feel solid" when killing Segal's character. :)

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  6. Ooh, Dave. That's a good one! He wanted to feel good about himself didn't he? I didn't think that was Billy Bob though? Can't remember.

    Ha, Bob, I love that line about "so many lefts you'll beg for a right" I didn't remember where i'd heard it.

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  7. Bob, that is a GREAT line, from Invasion USA!

    More Chuck:
    "If I want your opinion I'll beat it out of you."
    "I don't step on toes, I step on necks."

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