Friday, August 06, 2010

An American martial arts myth

Martial arts are rife with myths and apocryphal stories meant to convey some point or moral. I absolutely love these stories. Most of them occurred long ago in some exotic-sounding place and involved a samurai or a monk or that sort of character.
Well, here's you a distinctly American piece of martial arts apocrypha that could have taken place in Appalachia... or perhaps Missouri... or even down in the bayou... or maybe even in L.A...
It seems that Clem and Abe had a long-standing feud between their families with great suffering and attrition on both sides. Finally, Clem called for a parley with Abe and proposed an end to the feud. "Let's just have a good old fashioned nut kickin' contest between me and you." Well, Abe had never heard of this sort of contest and he asked about the rules.

"First," Clem said, "I kick you in the nuts as hard as I can. Then when you are recovered you kick me. We go back and forth until someone gives up." Abe thought about that for a minute. It sure sounded painful but if it meant an end to hostilities he was willing to endure it.

So, Abe stood straddle-legged and Clem got a running start and punted poor Abe so hard his feet came off the ground and he landed on the ground screaming and puking. Clem waited paitently as Abe rolled around for about half an hour, finally getting up to his knees and then to his feet.

"Alright, now it's my turn." said Abe, hitching up his pants and getting ready to get a running start.

"Nah,"Clem replied, walking away. "I give up. You win."
For some reason this story put me in mind of Kickboxing legend Bill "Superfoot" Wallace.  Wallace, among his many other accomplishments, got kicked in the nads so hard in a fight in Jackson Mississippi that he had to have one testicle surgically removed.  According to Wikipedia, Wallace saved the testicle and showed it to the other announcers at UFC1.
Also on a related note, Superfoot Wallace got his bachelor's degree at Ball State University...  Coincidence?

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